Today

Well its been a while and so far I have :

Completed a few courses on my path to my BS. :) with A and B status.. at times this was a work in itself.
I have completed paintings :)
I have restarted my stories :)
I have also worked towards work...
And top of all I have learned :) - Life more than school things, but this is the hardest concept to learn at most times.

This is  what some would call minimal progress but I would call a lot given the issues- and person things :) one must deal with life
But my greatest work this year and last has been family, though it will not be remembered as we seldom recall our child hood, what will be recalled is for me, for us. We are together, and time we stop and have moments, and those moments make the Mon-daine worthy of our time. Bless all. 

Have new blog also starting  at : http://mommasmuzings.wordpress.com/

Day of Thanks

Behind on the Days of thanks : 1) for the lives of family 2) for the lives of friends and the safety there of. 3) life it self 4) for all that has 4 legs in my life, and everyone else s. 5) for the best things in life seem to come in odd numbers...five loves, my god, my kids , my guy and of course my dog...sometimes cat..(well if you dont get mathy its 5....lol 6) for the things that are second to the best either come in a six pack ( MNT DEW >..People..) or 12, but we are not on 12...7) The times I think i said um yeah..you know I am mom...you should listen...yeah..bout that.. 8) a new one... The sun rise over the stars, as the stars fade, its sweet reminder that we don't part with things that God creates, we are temporary as are all things, but we get forever.

To Look to a better day...

What is it to look to a better day?
To not see what there is right now.
There is a sky full of stars, some are firsts of anything, as one dies another is born out of the gases left...behind
Crappy start I would think, to be something that was just left over, and discarded.
In the eyes of the lost there is a new begining and hope, but when some one is found they think they have the key, and what is it with out being shared, if you keep it to your self it will be all bust lost again..
For you have lost the look of need, and have found what others have lost.
So I tell you the key before I lose it, To for something that is not what you are finding, you have to look as if you are not there.
To see what is there, you have to stand in the silence, and look again, even if you have to make it silent..
You have to be still to see it..its there..just past where you just looked..keep looking, see the sparkle ? there it is..now go and share it...

His tears

His eyes fill  with tears and he screams out loud, he dose not understand. Why he is forgotten, why the calls are never answered, why he tries so much to be heard. 
What is it to every one but those that know him, its acting out, but I see him and will not leave him, for I understand him, and will for ever be there. Even when he screams things he never means, even when the world tells him he alone, I will be here.

What I have learned

I am going on a journey...
With out leaving and where..
Where am I going..
I am Going to find my self..
Well you are right there...
I am going far a way ...
Why must you leave...???
I am not leaving...
Where is it that you are going than..???
I am going to Center...To find what no one else can see ..
To go to a place that only God Can Go...
What will you find there??
I will find ME..
But you are right here...
( the logic of a child..and the logic of an Adult...see how we age.....when we where young we never had to leave to find ourselves..but we never knew more than the fact were...here....just here..)
 If you want details...well...life will show you them..

Breaking..

One can not break that is merly bending..
There is nothing one can not handle that is not formed from pain...
That you can not master, is the inside stronger or weaker... Than take what you have an accept it..
This may mean you change it later and deal now with the inside and not the outside..
Because the outside slowly fades away and what you are left with is what you have become...
Have you weakened and broken when you should have just bent...
Have you given in to things just for now...That scar you...now and forever...
Has this changed you, or have you let it change you...
Can you bend or will you break...and what is the point where you will take the pain of bending over quick death of breaking...

Death of what  you ask...death of your self... death of what you are in side...to become some mold of the right person...the cute sexy , stick that can't look you in the eye because she dose not know who she is...
Or are you going to be the woman that knows  who she is  not because of what some one else says but because she has gone through the hell and had  her God with her, and to hell with what others say, there is no need to break your self to be with  this world, when you can bend and go through pain with God, knowing that he will be there at the end...and the world will leave you once you break...
What good are you to them once you are just like them.??? They have no use for mirrors...mirrors make you see things they see...a friend taught me its not the mirror  I am looking at...its inside of you...
So let Your self bend... and be you or break and be what they want.....

Who Am I

You look at me like am Diffrent an I tell you - I am
I was never made to stand in the crowd and not stand out, I was once there, and sometimes I am there again.
I am not the crowd, the crowd feeds only what they want you to eat.. they tell you what you want to hear. Not what you need.
They will feed you when you are cool with  them.
They will not when you show them change.
I am not here for them I am here for something greater than me.
All the crowd wants is now, and dose not know that there is something greater..
God you have blessed me with greater, the crowd tells me tales and reasons with me to change...
To go their way, but you show me something greater,That is in me.