His tears

His eyes fill  with tears and he screams out loud, he dose not understand. Why he is forgotten, why the calls are never answered, why he tries so much to be heard. 
What is it to every one but those that know him, its acting out, but I see him and will not leave him, for I understand him, and will for ever be there. Even when he screams things he never means, even when the world tells him he alone, I will be here.

What I have learned

I am going on a journey...
With out leaving and where..
Where am I going..
I am Going to find my self..
Well you are right there...
I am going far a way ...
Why must you leave...???
I am not leaving...
Where is it that you are going than..???
I am going to Center...To find what no one else can see ..
To go to a place that only God Can Go...
What will you find there??
I will find ME..
But you are right here...
( the logic of a child..and the logic of an Adult...see how we age.....when we where young we never had to leave to find ourselves..but we never knew more than the fact were...here....just here..)
 If you want details...well...life will show you them..

Breaking..

One can not break that is merly bending..
There is nothing one can not handle that is not formed from pain...
That you can not master, is the inside stronger or weaker... Than take what you have an accept it..
This may mean you change it later and deal now with the inside and not the outside..
Because the outside slowly fades away and what you are left with is what you have become...
Have you weakened and broken when you should have just bent...
Have you given in to things just for now...That scar you...now and forever...
Has this changed you, or have you let it change you...
Can you bend or will you break...and what is the point where you will take the pain of bending over quick death of breaking...

Death of what  you ask...death of your self... death of what you are in side...to become some mold of the right person...the cute sexy , stick that can't look you in the eye because she dose not know who she is...
Or are you going to be the woman that knows  who she is  not because of what some one else says but because she has gone through the hell and had  her God with her, and to hell with what others say, there is no need to break your self to be with  this world, when you can bend and go through pain with God, knowing that he will be there at the end...and the world will leave you once you break...
What good are you to them once you are just like them.??? They have no use for mirrors...mirrors make you see things they see...a friend taught me its not the mirror  I am looking at...its inside of you...
So let Your self bend... and be you or break and be what they want.....

Who Am I

You look at me like am Diffrent an I tell you - I am
I was never made to stand in the crowd and not stand out, I was once there, and sometimes I am there again.
I am not the crowd, the crowd feeds only what they want you to eat.. they tell you what you want to hear. Not what you need.
They will feed you when you are cool with  them.
They will not when you show them change.
I am not here for them I am here for something greater than me.
All the crowd wants is now, and dose not know that there is something greater..
God you have blessed me with greater, the crowd tells me tales and reasons with me to change...
To go their way, but you show me something greater,That is in me.

Words

There used to be a time where every- thing  would hurt
An there used to be a time --- where nothing I could say ever mattered...but now...Father you've given me back my words..
I used to think that what they said mattered so much - i put my words on a shelf and hid them a way but today Lord... I have found them...
And here --- I stand looking in to forever with you....
And here  L O R D am I what was lost is found... for here am I ...Oh lord...Here am...

They want.....

They want me to be bitter...
They want me to be sad....
They want me to shutter...
They want me me to be like them..
They want me to conform..
They want me to be like them....
But my God did not make me  like them..
He did not  get me over this mountain just to fall I the gully...
He came in the darkest of my hours when no one would help..not one would answer..
When every one sad I will help you out... and when you need them where did they go..
This is what they wanted me to stay sad..
They wanted a reason to show sympathy .... and say oh look she is never going to get over what happened...you know what happened( because they where there...just didn't see them)
Because it gives them something to talk about...well here we go... God lets give them something to talk about:)
Because I aint the one they want....lol
http://youtu.be/w7FasupDizg

Love needed...

So they tell me it is a man I need...
I tell them I have my God, and my father and my son...and a dog...all of which are more loyal.
Than a man.
They tell me I need to have faith in a man..
I tell them I do one has died for me the other saves me and  one will soon be one I will do all the above for..
and the dog well he would be loyal til death for us all..
I ask can you find me one of those..
She looks at me and says...no but can you share yours..
I tell you this :
A man that dose not know this man in my life, is not a man it is a boy, he still wants to be taken care of..knowing he should be the one taking care of us...
This man you talk about would never replace my first love, only add to the  fact that I am loved, he would not ask me to change, from this love I have had first. To put away the idea of another man out side of him.
In stead he would follow and one day lead, if he did not understand at first he would become the man I am looking for, But know only that God comes first and family. And that there would be no changing this, for when he becomes the center and  everything has to be his way and not god's than things become oil and water, something  it never meant to be..
So I tell you this If I need a man- I will have my man bring him to me, for that is what he said he would do...A man will leave his father and mother and cling to his wife, not that the wife would leave all she knows to raise a man...Because When God blesses a union there is not one or any that will stand hell to tear it apart. because what he joins all hell wont be able to tear apart..
She looked at me, and shook her head..so this is the man you are waiting for...
I told her no...
This is the man that is waiting for me, for when God  shows him, than he will find, and leave all for me. My search is over, and when it started it was so. Because its never me to find him..it is him who finds me..
http://youtu.be/HHlZGeLeTUY